letter from a fan

We are young and restless…
Stronger from all the disappointments, mad with ambition, worried by uncertainties, crazed with
hope for the future… With ruthless focus, we want to hustle, be presidents, be king. Deep down, we know achieving this is very impossible, but even deeper, we know it actually is not only possible but mandatory… There is literally no other way for our kind, make it or die… Continue with our path of procrastination and fantasy or actually have the courage to get up and do what we must…

Conflict, within and without…
I am awakened baby. I know what I must do… But there comes a twist in the midst of this new awakening sense of purpose. The possibility of the one thing that has
always eluded me.. Such a cliche,
love or ambition…
Behind door number one is him in his glorious splendor… Tall, handsome, everything desired. He, however, may not share my feelings or even worse, my ambition… I could walk away from door number one this instant, am certain there are no real feelings at this point, I wouldn’t really loose anything… But once I shut this door, there’s no opening it again, I’m all out of love, my past has ensured that…
Thus, door number two… Continue down my chosen path, free from destruction in the name of love or heart break… Make it. I really don’t want to die. I want to be king, I want it all. I want the world, LITERALLY. Having it any other way, would bring me to a whole new level of self loathe and loneliness.

But am I not already at that point?
Don’t i know that in order for me to be really OK, someone, anyone, has to reach for me, honestly see me, honestly know me, and honestly care. And oh he sees me, occasionally, he is glorious, but at the first sign of honesty from me he runs. “Tone down the attention span he says,” while treating me as an obligation.

I am like fireworks… Try to contain me and you get burned, explode with me and let’s be
beautiful…

“Is this really worth it? Is any of it really?” Decisions, decisions… “Right now at this moment, do you care for me, if we both hit rock bottom will you still care for me? When I’m at my lowest and you’re on top of the world, will you care for me? How about if we both get all we have ever wanted, will our interests change? Right now at this moment do I honestly even care for you?”

The writer claims to be an amateur and hadn’t figured out a title by the time of posting. I especially like how she tries to authentically capture emotion

…be intrigued…

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4 thoughts on “letter from a fan

  1. This is really relatable, your fan is good with words. And the Muse to this, I suspect is you, also does a good job at inspiring. You should think about writing a book together.

    Liked by 1 person

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