Transmogrifying nursery rhymes

With an addiction so severe that even conversation left both emotionally content, their story continued down the surreal path of love. This is the story of Jack and Jill, little red riding hood might appear, never mind her though, she’s a constant party crasher. Ooh! If anyone sees the wolf, don’t be deceived by the wig, little red riding hood’s grandma is Asian. Anyway back to the love story.

Of course Jack fell down the hill (what else would you expect? Its Humpty Dumpty who fell down the well or something, no?).
Please don’t read this by its face value, I’m not talking about a literal hill, even though they both have some really slippery slopes. Jack fell. More than fell if you ask me. But who cares anyway? The oblivion of ideality had engulfed him in a darkness so bright he had forgotten about Jill.

Jill watched earnestly as Jack rolled down. Never before had she witnessed this from him. Even she wasn’t sure whether her seemingly intelligent idea now looked unnecessary.
“Little red riding hood had invited me over,” she pondered, only to drop the idea after remembering how weird her grandma looked in those ‘new’ dentals.

Jack was so dizzied from the roll and the ‘pedophile-looking egg in a multicolored polka dot suit and a lime-green bow tie’ screaming at him wasn’t of any relief (He asked me to omit that, but I think media freedom might be an acceptable counter in a court).
*Who names their child ‘Humpty Dumpty’ anyway? Definite pedophile… I digress.
“What are you doing sitting on a wall?” Jack asked,
” I’m proving to everyone I’m not a coward!” Humpty shouted back.
As Jack was trying to figure out who ‘everyone’ was, Jill rammed into him and they both tumbled down the hill pushing Humpty off the wall while they were at it. Poor yolk… I mean soul, poor soul.

 

Jack, blinded by a sense of purpose, decided to go hunt and gather, leaving Jill all alone on the wall. With all the creeps out there? Some prince might appear and try fit a shoe on her foot.

All alone she worried, worried about him, her, them, that meddling girl in the red cape, or is it a hood? Still she yearns to fall with him… She always will.

‘This is the way that we love, like it’s forever, then live the rest of our lives but not together….’ she thought to herself

Luckily, the only passer-by happened to be Simple Simon who offered her a ring o’rosies and a pocketful of possies, “A-tishoo! A-tichoo!” Jill sneezed her allergies and Simon away.
*Isn’t Simple Simon the schmuck who tried fetching water in a sieve? I’m pretty sure he’s still the guy who went fishing for a whale in his mother’s pail.

Jack’s first stop was Oink’s (remember the little piggy who was too much of a miser to pay anyone to build him a house and instead settled for living under some fire-hazard ‘grass house’?) but nothing. The house must have finally been stolen by birds to make their nests. Pink’s place was logically the next place to look, considering how introverted those Pig brothers were (Yes, yes, Pig was their family name). Pink was a nature activist who lived in an awe inspiring little cabin out in the woods. A tree-huger whose house was made of …wait for it… trees.

All that was left was saw dust and despair. According to a passerby the last person spotted around those sides of the woods was Little Red’s grandma. He impatiently asked Jack whether Asians celebrated Halloween in July because ‘she had a hairy suit on and mentioned that she was off to the Pig family house to blow their socks off’.


Exhausted, Jack settled down and started “baa”-ing at black sheep asking if they had any wool,
of course for Jill.

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