This Unruly Mess I’ve Made

I can barely remember last night, another morning swearing its the last time. “Where would I be?” can’t start over you don’t get a new ID.

Looking at the satellites pass by, reflecting on my past life, “I’m sorry,” doesn’t cover all the pain I’ve caused, you’re judging me off my past, don’t you see that I’m grown? I might have lost perspective, should go to a place where I lose reception. Maybe I should find God-but beat the dogma?

Heard the quickest way to happiness is learning to be selfless, ask more questions talk about yourself less, wear a helmet, don’t be stupid, jay-walk but look before you do it, put the work in, don’t worry about the praise and most importantly…

.. always say the truth regardless of the consequences.

So tonight as we toast to our accomplishments, with our insecurities dressed up as confidence, pray for Sheila and Rita, Patricia and Peter, glued to their screens for the next gossip re-up.

They all wants to be American, they want the gossip, they want the drama, they want Britney Spears to make out with Madonna, they want Kanye to rant and to go on longer, they want talking topics, they want trending topics, they want outfits to be outlandish, they want sideways glances, beef and problems, they want nipple slips, cause they live for clips, this is their economics, so they bleach their skin and smile for the camera, might as well get new boobs while they’re at it, with their selfie stick and cheap cologne reek, they forget…

… that is America, insecurity is their fabric and we wear it and we renamed it fashion.

She asked me, “What is your contribution? Are you marching for freedom or when its convenient, want people to like you, want to be accepted? That’s probably why you are out here protesting.”

I want to take a stance cause we are not free (Although the other day I thought about it and we are not we).

Then her question really hit me, is this about me or them? What’s my intention? Am I on the outside looking in or inside looking out? Is it my place to give my two cents, or should I stay on the side and shut my mouth?

Then again, it’s never too late, won’t think for a second I don’t have incentive.

A lot of opinions, a lot of confusion, a lot of resentments, some of us scared, some of us defensive and most of us aren’t even paying attention.

Someone once told me, “don’t try change the world, find something that you love and do it everyday, do that for the rest of your life and eventually the world will change.” …

… so today I write, what will you do?


7 thoughts on “This Unruly Mess I’ve Made

  1. He is growing, I mean really changing, perhaps this has been him all along, how do I say am glad without seeming to have an agenda. I am glad.


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